Clients Don't Fire their Friends
When you invest in a relationship, people tend to do the right thing
I got my undergraduate degree in Economics, and most of my classes involved charts and graphs. I later got an MBA, where I spent most of my time reading case studies about corporate strategy. I thought these degrees would help me in a business career. They have, somewhat. But a psychology degree would have been more helpful—as the deeper my career goes in business, the more I see that everything comes back to human behavior.
Human beings are endlessly fascinating. We routinely surprise each other—and even surprise ourselves! But patterns are out there if you pay attention, and since business success depends on predicting human behavior, we’re all psychology students whether we know it or not. I’ve failed many human behavior tests, but I tend to stew on my mistakes, which helps me learn in the end. This is a lesson that might help you ace the next real-world exam…
Failing to Talk with Ted
Several years and a couple of companies ago, I led client success and strategy at our fast-growing digital agency. I was also the company executive on the hook for delivering new client relationship opportunities. We were very strong with multi-brand CPG companies, including P&G, Abbott, and ConAgra. I had a big wish list of similar clients to go after. In particular, we were dying for a chance to work with one of the large alcoholic beverage companies. My strategy was to network with other key industry leaders in hopes of sniffing out opportunities and getting introductions to clients that fit with our agency’s focus.
After years of dead ends and false starts, I met the CMO of a huge, multi-brand spirits company. He had heard about our work from mutual contacts and said he was looking to bring in some fresh digital agency help. He invited me to visit their HQ and share our capabilities with him and his Advertising Director, Ted. I made the trip, and we had a great conversation. Ted said he would like our help on one of their largest brands—just a few small projects to start that could lead to something more.
I jumped at the chance and put together some of our top folks—who were eager to cut their teeth on this exciting brand and category. Over the next six months, we made it a full-court press, investing around $100,000 in time and travel to lean in with ideas and ensure we killed it on our initial projects.
Our team started integrating with their team, and we gradually won more work. After several months of proving ourselves, we were officially named Agency of Record for the brand. We were well on our way to $1 million in revenue and starting to hear that other brands at the company could use our help.
As our teams worked closely together, I spent less and less of my time on this business. Things were going well, and I had to go get the next big brands on my hit list. But one morning, I walk into the office, open my laptop, and find this bomb sitting in my inbox:
I have to re-read it three more times to ensure this is real…We just got fired by email. Real, significant recurring revenue gone, and real humans’ jobs potentially lost.
I want nothing more than to pick up my laptop and break it over my knee. But that would hurt, and people are looking at me. It’s an open office, after all. So I calmly stand up, walk to the elevator, and head to the sidewalk outside our office. It’s time for a trip around the block to gather my thoughts…
One of those psychological lessons I referenced above is that we have REALLY good memories of stressful situations—i.e., trauma. And as the executive in charge of our agency’s client success, all the stressful stuff over the years has lodged firmly in my brain. (This, dear reader, is why I have so many stories to share with you).
I recall that it’s not the first time we have been fired by email or voicemail with little or no warning. But I also know that most of the time, a client will give us SOME heads up—whether it’s internal pressure to consolidate partners or displeasure over our work.
As I sift through the data points, something hits me. The clients that we have longer-term relationships with almost always give us fair warnings when things aren’t going well. But the clients that are newer and where we don’t have frequent in-person opportunities are the most challenging.
Looking back at this brand and Ted, I could see where my team and I could have invested more in this new relationship rather than assuming all was well.
Relationships Improve Your Odds of Repair
Here’s my theory, backed by lots of real-world examples:
On the one hand, most people do not like confrontation. People stuff is stressful, and we will tend to take a path that minimizes this stress. On the other hand, we are social animals that feel pressure to behave well with other people.
When an issue arises in a Client-Partner relationship, the Client is torn between these two forces—and the winning choice tends to be which causes less stress.
If you, as a Client, have a weak relationship with a Partner, you won’t feel the social discomfort of ending things. You don’t have that person’s thoughts and feelings in your brain. There’s just less empathy. For example, we don’t feel like we “owe” every cold sales pitch a reply.
But if you are a Client with a strong, personal relationship with your supplier, you would feel bad going cold or firing them via email. You have much more empathy for the person, and while sharing difficult feedback is never easy, you find it less stressful to be direct and friend-like. You feel that you “owe” them an explanation or a chance to turn things around.
Back at my agency, I typed up a mea culpa memo to share with my team and offered this lesson on how we could learn and improve from this loss. I shared a few other tips that seemed to keep us in the Friend Zone:
Start any meeting by asking about your client’s life—and not just the bland “How was your weekend?” The most specific you ask about and recall their outside interests and hobbies, the deeper connection you’ll make.
If you’ve got multiple client/partner team members working together, map out who “owns” which client contact, and coach everyone on how to build relationships.
If you’re a senior leader that’s not in the day-to-day—like me in the story above—schedule regular time to check in directly with your clients. Be direct and proactive in asking for feedback.
Try to get out of the office for a meal, coffee, or drinks. This is when you can worry less about the next meeting and get to know each other.
Bonus Tip: In-person meetings are coming back, baby. People are tired of being stuck inside their homes all day, and I’ve got multiple friends in sales that are crushing their numbers because they are back in client offices. Remember that part about being a social species? It’s real, and we miss IRL connections.
Don’t Be Like Ted
While I take full responsibility for not building a close relationship with our client, Ted, it doesn’t mean he did the right thing. He never did call me back, and I’ll never forget being treated this way.
I guess it was easier at the moment for Ted to jot off an email to end our partnership, but he missed the real, hidden costs that come from such a weak move by an experienced leader that should have known better after 30 years in the game.
Each business operates in a small world of very tight networks. Our reputations and ability to earn and keep trust are critical for success. People do back-channel checks before working with people all the time—and partners who have been personally screwed over have loooooooong memories. Behaving poorly seeds your future career with landmines. So suck it up, put on your grown-up pants, and treat others as you would like to be treated.
As for Ted, his job was eliminated in a re-org, and he’s now on the consulting side of the game. I’m sure he’s learning the lessons I did long ago. It’s never too late for any of us to learn. And I hope we can trade stories over a bourbon someday.
Bob Gilbreath is a 2x-exit entrepreneur and co-founder of Hearty, a curated matchmaking service that combines top software developers with early-stage, venture-backed startups.