Don't Follow Mentors, Seek Signposts
If only every college class was this meaningful
Welcome to the latest entry in The Workaround. You’re in good company with thousands of fellow entrepreneurs and innovators!
I’m Bob, your host. My mission here is to share personal, behind-the-scenes stories of the ups and downs of my career leading tech startups and corporate innovation.
I write to make you think, smile, and discover a shortcut to success or a trap to avoid.
Here we go…
I’ve never “followed a mentor.” But there are countless people, living and dead, who have shared a scrap of useful advice that helped me at the moment and has stuck with me over time. Their words literally have reshaped my mind and made me what I am today.
I want to share one example—from a professor who first taught me that a handful of words can change your life.
You’ll see his words and impact still living through me, his daughter, and the countless people we both have been signposts for in our own lives.
Social Economics
Back in high school, I was obsessed about getting into college, but once I got to Duke University in 1990, I had little idea of what I’d major in. My goal was to pursue the classic liberal arts path and take a variety of classes, with the hope that something would suck me in. I took classes including calculus, history, psychology, philosophy, and Shakespeare. But Economics was the subject that hooked me.
I was most attracted to Economics because it combines science with humanity, has both macro and micro dimensions, presents a systemic way of explaining the world, and can be applied far beyond monetary policy and business decisions. This last point drove me to take a special course taught by Professor Thomas Havrilesky.
I had taken the mandatory Macroeconomics course with Havrilesky and found him to be a refreshing free spirit. He was wise, funny, and seemed to care more about the student experience than whatever he was researching at the time. He is in my personal hall-of-fame of five great teachers in my life and the only memorable one from my four years at Duke. Havrilesky seemed to understand that “making memories for students” was kind of the whole point of getting into this business.
My friend and fellow Econ major, Rob, and I jumped at the chance to take an elective taught by Havrilesky called Social Economics. The course revolved around the idea that classic economic theories like supply and demand can be used as a model for broader analysis, policy, and decision-making.
We applied economic theory to topics such as how people decide to get married and have families and what drives cities to build stadiums for professional sports teams. We also dove into the parts of society where economics breaks down, such as how luxury goods see more demand as prices rise.
I recall a specific example: Havrilesky talked about how campus rules at Duke had evolved during his tenure based on the supply and demand of students. During the 1960s, as a wave of Boomers hit campus, the rules were very strict. But in the ‘70s and ‘80s, there was a decline in enrollment, which played a part in liberalizing policies. Students were more rare, so the school was forced to work harder to attract and retain them.
Closed doors were opened to women, and keg parties on campus were open all week. Havrilesky told a story of a student who brazenly wore a vial of cocaine around his neck in class with no questions asked. Meanwhile, my class and I were part of a wave of higher demand—and our keg privileges got reduced each semester. It sure made Economics more personally relevant!
Several Duke basketball players were enrolled in the course with us, coming off back-to-back national championships. Despite theories that he was an easy grader, I think they saw that this guy was closer to the real world and that they already had one foot in.
He frequently used his classroom to help us see the value in life beyond dollars and cents. We read Alan Watts for class. And he often made the point that we should do things for each other not for pure gain but “because of who we are.” He shared a model in which Affinity trumps Exchange and Coercion as a human motivator as society evolves over time.
I vividly remember one lecture—honestly, the only lecture I can recall in these four years!—in which Havrilesky shared how acquiring more things does not necessarily make us happy. It was heady stuff for college kids who were staring at a recession that seemed perfectly timed for our graduation.
He told us: “It’s all stuff.”
But one of our classmates, a student assistant on the basketball team and the closest thing we had to a class clown, interrupted with a provocative question:
“Yo, professor, what about your 300Z in the parking lot? What if someone stole that?”
This was the hot sportscar at the time, and we passed it often while walking through the parking lot to class.
Havrilesky paused, smiled broadly, turned a little red, and replied:
“Hey, man, I’m just a signpost!”
We all laughed…and I reflected…
I’m still reflecting on it today. The fact that I remember this so many years later must mean something. Oh, how I wanted my college experience to include more life lessons like this! If I had to teach a course today, my number one goal would be to “be memorable.” That’s a sign that you’ve truly added value to someone’s life.
The story continues, but I’ll tell it after making a point…
Look for the Signposts
We shouldn’t follow leaders, mentors, and gurus. But we should listen for their words that affect us. These teachers are all flawed humans on their own path of self-improvement. You should not seek to be like them. However, you may seek their advice, and some of it might resonate to help you on your own journey.
Their words are signposts. See if they spark insight or truth for you. Keep what works in your mind.
I like the analogy that we carry a vessel or pitcher with us. This pitcher holds our rules for living, our life philosophy. We shouldn’t just copy another person’s cocktail. We should always keep room to add something new and be ready to pour out what doesn’t work anymore.
I think it’s also a lesson for a time when we are tearing down the legacies of historical figures—the banning, canceling, and covering. We should be mature enough to celebrate and be inspired by their contributions without endorsing their problematic personal lives. How about we agree that we’re all flawed—and realize that future societies will judge us, probably unfairly, according to their standards?
“A word is no more than a means to an end. It’s an abstraction. Not unlike a signpost, it points beyond itself.” —Eckhart Tolle
And remember that their words worked for their journeys. They left a signpost for you, but it’s your Hero’s Journey and your choice to follow their path or blaze your own.
Be a Signpost
One of my favorite things in life is seeing someone I worked with years ago and hearing them quote something I said that stuck with them then.
Just this week, I reconnected with my friend, Nick, who was the first person I managed as a brand lead at P&G. He brought up a piece of advice I gave him in 2004—and even recalled that this was something I learned from my favorite manager, Brian. I guess it’s not too unusual to have such a memory—as I’m quoting something from a college class over 30 years ago!
Today, I’m growing into an elder role in the business world and am often asked for advice. I love to help others on their paths and it’s the main reason I write here each week. But I remind them that I’m just a signpost. My version of it, which I repeat at the start of such conversations, goes something like this:
“Look, I say a lot of shit…based on my life…you have to decide if it’s right for you.”
I’m starting to see more colleges recruit seasoned professionals to full-time teaching positions—no Ph.D. required. I have at least five good friends who have left stellar corporate careers to get into teaching. Their students love them, and they are having a blast bringing meaningful perspectives. Why are colleges more open to this now? Maybe they see the fall in demand and are suddenly under pressure to add more value…
Mentoring, writing, teaching, leading, creating, coaching—however you are called to serve others—please lean into it for all of our benefits. It’s a bit sad that we’ll never see our total impact in helping; there’s no scoreboard in the sky, and people who come back from near-death experiences mostly report that everyone gets a ticket to the afterlife. Just enjoy the good feelings you give in the present and pay forward all the people who have helped you live better lives.
Sitting in Professor Havrilesky’s class and watching a grown man have a blast teaching life lessons resonated deeply with me. He triggered something that has similarly bloomed in me over time.
“It’s Just Stuff”
OK, back to the story…
I never got to know Havrilesky outside of the classroom, but I did have one brush with him.
During graduation weekend in May 1994, I was at a restaurant with my friend Rob and our parents. We saw the Professor sitting at the bar, speaking with a young woman. Our guess was that she was his daughter. We had the waiter send over two Corona beers with the message: “Because of who you are.” He waved, and we waved back, returning to our separate conversations.
About a month after graduation, I learned that his townhouse had been damaged by a fire that had swept through his subdivision. He was quoted in a newspaper article with this line:
“’It’s just stuff,’ Havrilesky, a Duke economics professor, said stoically Friday morning as he stood in front of the charred house.”
True to form, he practiced what he preached to us at his moment of truth!
A little more than a year later, his name hit my radar again. Thomas Havrilesky passed away from a heart attack at age 56. Just 4 years older than I am now.
But the story isn’t complete…
While surfing through Substack a few months ago, I came across the writer Heather Havrilesky. Her last name stopped me in my tracks. I learned that she is an advice columnist with well over 100,000 subscribers. She is also the daughter of my professor—perhaps the person I saw with him that day at the bar.
I’ve been following her writing since then and came upon a wonderful post last week, which triggered me to tell this story: Advice for a young college grad who’s struggling to find the right path. (See my content share below)
I shared her post with my daughters. It is perfect advice at a time when they are emerging from the college cocoon. And advice is usually better received coming from anyone but your parents.
What a beautiful irony to share advice from the daughter of my favorite professor. Whether we know it or not, we both keep him alive through our writing.
And we both get to live within others long after our words fall silent.
How we might work together…
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BONUS: Cool Content of the Week
A little something I found meaningful. You might agree…
“Why Did No One Tell Me that Life is So Limited?”
As I mentioned above, if you’re early in your career and/or struggling to figure out what to do for the rest of your life, I’d highly recommend checking out Ask Polly, the substack by Heather Havrilesky.
Last week’s post, “Why Did No One Tell Me That Life is So Limited?” is particularly meaningful.
I feel that this rising generation came out of the womb with anxiety. Despite so many good things in the world, they tend to believe they have little future and are beset with hopeless limitations. Heather brings a combination of perspective and encouragement to help this letter writer—and the rest of us. Here’s a sample:
“Pursue your academic dreams. Don’t do it because you’ll become someone important. Do it because it makes you feel alive right now, it supports who you are, it gives you an unparalleled opportunity to embody your values and principles. Difficulties and obstacles only make it even more possible to manifest your faith and inspire others with it. You will be rich or poor or somewhere it between, and it won’t matter that much. What will always matter is how you feel RIGHT NOW, what you believe in RIGHT NOW, and how unlimited the world feels to you RIGHT NOW.”
I encourage you to read the rest and take it to heart.
awesome