Spotting the Tells of a Potential Partner
When deciding to work with someone, look for the little giveaways hiding in plain sight
Welcome to the latest entry in The Workaround. You’re in good company with thousands of fellow entrepreneurs and innovators!
I’m Bob, your host. My mission here is to share personal, behind-the-scenes stories of the ups and downs of my career leading tech startups and corporate innovation.
I write to make you think, smile, and discover a shortcut to success or a trap to avoid.
Here we go…
I’ve been in Las Vegas this week for the annual ShopTalk conference in support of A2 Influence, our influencer marketing and social content business. It’s a time for meeting potential customers, business partners, and talent to hire. Once again, between coffees and cocktails, we do the dance of getting to know each other and calculating the value of continuing these conversations once we return to our regular work lives.
Vegas isn’t my favorite conference destination, but it does remind me of the calculations involved in forging new partnerships. Making a hire, taking a job, or investing in a partnership is a significant gamble. Like poker, we look across the table and measure other players. Although such investments are aimed at win-wins instead of winner-take-all, both sides rarely put all of their cards on the table.
And, like in poker, the little signals that other people send—what the pros call “tells”—can give you an edge in understanding who you’re playing with. The high stakes of your time, income, and career record make this a skill worth mastering.
I’m not talking about the basics of checking with people you might know in common or surfing Google to see if your potential new employer has been charged with a crime.
Tells are the little things that aren’t immediately visible. Sometimes, people share them without thinking. Other times, you can seed a situation that unearths invaluable insights. Here are some examples and tips for playing this game…
Tells in Hiring for a Job
In our recruiting business, I personally lead the sourcing and screening of senior sales and marketing positions. A few months ago I was meeting with a client to debrief her conversation with a fantastic candidate I introduced her to. She said:
“We think he’s great—he has everything we’re looking for. I know this is ‘old school,’ but it’s been three days since his interview, and he hasn’t sent a follow-up thank you email. For some reason, this bothers us.”
I put my head in my hands. The candidate should have sent a note! Aside from simply common courtesy, it’s a chance to show you want the job and leave another positive impression—or at least quash the risk that your interviewer is “Old School.” And it’s for a sales leadership position—even a new hire AE knows you send a follow-up after a meeting.
The other day, I spoke with a company leader who said only 1 of 6 candidates he met with for a Chief Product Officer job followed up with a thank you. Are we supposed to teach that to people with +20 years of experience?
Nope. We are better off taking it as a sign that the prospective employee lacks some basic skills or doesn’t want the job enough to make the effort. This is pretty common in recruiting. People receive outreach about a new job and like being courted, even if they don’t care about taking the job. A lack of response is a clear sign of a lack of interest—a tell that runs across every category I mention in this post.
I heard another great Tell in this podcast interview with Jason Citron, the co-founder/CEO of Discord:
“Maybe I don't think it's a trick, but I think it's really, really great to watch for it, to see if people are compassionate…Our interview process is we take people out for lunch, and we have three people who are not part of the rest of the interview loop, go out to lunch with the person, and watch for how they treat the waiters. And if they don't respect the waiters—eye contact, be polite—then we assume that they don't respect people who don't have power over them.”
I’ve practiced a version of this in which I ask our receptionist how a job candidate treated them when they came into the office. This is a great “in-the-wild Tell” and an example of how every employee can contribute to defending company culture.
Tells in Taking a Job
On the other end of the interviewing process, candidates must remember that they are also doing due diligence on the prospective employer. Leaving a job and taking a new role is a big gamble—a much bigger one than the hiring manager is taking! So, while answering questions (and sending thank you emails afterward), you must also look for tells.
In 1999, I was in the second and final year of my MBA degree. I interned with P&G the summer before and was lucky enough to return to our tiny apartment in New York City with a full-time offer. I loved my work there, but one company was still higher on my wish list: Yahoo!
Yahoo! was the sexiest company in the exploding dot-com scene at the time. My goal was to work in digital marketing and launch my own startup one day. Yahoo! could bring me into the Silicon Valley ecosystem and serve as my launch pad. This was the only company I wanted to meet that year.
An executive interviewed me while she was on a trip to New York. We hit it off, and she asked to chat with me again on her next trip a few weeks later. Then, I had a phone chat with the hiring manager. All went well, and I was told they wanted to fly me back for a day of meetings with the full team and CMO. They gave me a date a few weeks out and said the HR team would arrange it.
Weeks passed, and I received no call or email. My messages went unreturned—until the afternoon before I was supposed to be there. A coordinator got on the phone and said I would have to take three connections to arrive in San Francisco at 2 am (5 am my time) before a day of meetings starting at 8 am. I told the person I couldn’t do that.
An hour later, the hiring manager called. He was angry that I wouldn’t fly out that day. I told him I’d make a poor impression after such a trip and reminded him that I left messages with him days before. He angrily replied, “I haven’t had time to check my voicemail for days!”
I thanked him for his time and chose not to move forward. Yahoo! wasn’t the company for me. A company this disorganized wasn’t for me.
We all have to play a game when trying to land a job, but we’ve got to mostly be our full selves and let the cards fall where they may. This week, a friend told me she missed out on a senior role for which she was a finalist. She has a unique background compared to the typical candidate for this position, which the company said was why they liked her so much—as they needed to shake up their organization.
But the company ultimately chose someone more “traditional,” a sign that its leaders lacked the courage to drive real change. My friend, too, feels like she dodged a bullet.
Often, the right company for you is the one that sees your true value and potential for success. These little tests and tells help make this clear.
Tells in Partnering
Outside the interview process, we constantly assess potential partners. This includes the people who buy your products, the people you buy products from, those who might buy your company, and those you might partner with on a pitch. You hope these relationships will be long-term, and mutual success depends on trust much more than whatever words are written on a legal document. Here, again, the little tells work wonders.
When our advertising agency was purchased, and our earnout was complete, my leadership team and I saw the need to combine our business and brand with something larger within the holding company. We didn’t want to be just a digital arm of a traditional agency, so we decided to team up with other digital agencies in the network that were similarly searching for a bigger, better home.
After months of meetings, we found four other companies that fit our concept well. We decided to meet in person to iron out our strategy and get to know each other. From our offices worldwide, two to three senior leaders from each company traveled to Cancun, Mexico, for a few days together.
We gathered for dinner and then went out for drinks the night we arrived. That’s when I discovered that one of the CEOs, “Steve,” had brought a team of eight other guys from his company along for the trip to celebrate his birthday. They lived it up.
Steve missed our planned breakfast…and lunch the next day. He failed to tell us that he booked a boat trip with his fellow work bros to keep celebrating his birthday.
Steve did join us that evening, and I decided to tease out some insights from the group to see how we fit in together. I often like to share an ethical dilemma we have dealt with and see what others did or would do in the same situation. It’s a great way to see how we might make important decisions together.
In this case, I told the (all-male) group about the time a leader of one of our largest clients made repeated, inappropriate sexual advances toward one of our junior employees. Steve answered, “Ha, I’d give her a raise!” and high-fived his buddy. I then described how I called the client’s boss and helped their HR team make the case for terminating him. Steve couldn’t believe we would risk the business in this way.
I wasn’t excited about partnering with Steve in our new venture. And I was glad they didn’t join our group.
The Secret to Success
I spent a lot of time with sales leaders at the conference this week, and knowing that this post was in the works, I got them to share their insights and experiences. Often, our chats came just after they had completed 15-minute “speed dating” pitches with clients who agreed to give them time in exchange for a free pass to the event.
Top sellers are great at seeding and reading tells—they must be! They can’t afford to waste time chasing a deal that won’t happen, so they have their own little ways of determining whether someone is a serious prospect or just going through the motions. Ask them what they look for, and you’ll learn a lot.
We must build our own approach and assessment algorithms based on our experience of people in work and life. I don’t think we need tricks, playbooks, or tactics like Discord's restaurant scenario. You might think you’re gaming them, but they can game you back with scripted responses and carefully curated profiles. (In the Discord interview above, the CEO mentions that candidates will now know their trick.)
I think success in looking for little clues comes from four keys:
Remember that choosing the right people to work with is critically important for your success and happiness—i.e., this is well worth the effort!
Be genuinely curious about each human being you meet with. Whether it’s a $1 million pitch or random chat at a happy hour, all encounters are opportunities to practice and improve.
Stop moving your lips and ignore the voice in your head that’s overthinking—just watch, listen, ask questions, and repeat.
Don’t take tells too far—quick assumptions are often wrong, so use them as nudges to dig deeper rather than jumping to conclusions. Or, as regular reader, Keith Kociba told me: Make it a question mark, not an exclamation point.
Finally, we should approach everything in the spirit of becoming better players in the game of life that we were born into. Games should be fun, so approach tell-seeking with a smile and light-heartedness. Remember: If the work is not fun, we’re playing it wrong.
How we might work together…
My team and I lead Hearty, a boutique recruiting service that helps tech-forward companies hire proven talent. Our senior team of operators sources and screens, saving you time and money. When you need help, let’s chat.
Need help with a software project? Perhaps a product MVP, a project that requires outside help, or a fractional CTO for key strategic decisions? Our team at Shipwright Studio has worked together to build multiple successful startups, and we love helping leaders turn their dreams into reality. We're the team our clients trust for software built to last.
Looking for Influencer Marketing and Content Creation? The team from our previous company is back by popular demand with A2 Influence. We’re ramping up now and would love to share more.
Feel free to schedule time together during my Open Hours for questions, feedback, networking, or any other topic!
BONUS: Cool Content of the Week
A little something I found meaningful. You might agree…
Red Rock Canyon - Nevada
Las Vegas became much more tolerable this week because I discovered an incredible natural landscape just 30 minutes from the Strip. My flight to the conference landed long before my hotel room was available, so I rented a car and found a spot to hike. My friend and fellow Galbraith Clan member, Nick, recommended Red Rock Canyon. I also brought along Rob, the CEO of our social+influencer company, A2 Influence (see the cool guy in the photo below).
The hike through sandstone canyons was a bit more challenging than its advertised “Moderate Level.” But the views were priceless—as was the chance to enter nature before entering the unnatural casinos. I’m already looking forward to our next conference in Las Vegas as a chance to explore more trails.
Add this place to your meeting list, and bring a client, partner, or co-worker. Just make sure to schedule in advance, as there are limited slots.
Great article. "Character" is something out of fashion, but still it's key.
Another idea: have a friendly Golden Retriever wandering around the waiting room. If the candidate looks annoyed or ignores it, trashcan him/her. Not liking animals is a tell.