What If You Believe in Nothing?
An antidote to the problems within "Strong Beliefs, Weakly Held"
Welcome to the latest entry in The Workaround. You’re in good company with thousands of fellow entrepreneurs and innovators who have subscribed!
I’m your host, Bob, and my mission here is to share personal, behind-the-scenes stories of ups and downs from my career leading tech startups and corporate innovation.
I write to make you think, smile, and discover a shortcut to success or a trap to avoid.
Here we go…
Have you ever believed something strongly and then realized this belief made you a fool at best and a jerk at worst? I’ve been this guy a few times, perhaps most with a belief about beliefs…
By now, you’ve likely come across some version of the phrase, “Strong beliefs, weakly held.” It seemed to enter the modern business memescape a little over a decade ago as a definition of wisdom and a strategy for making decisions with other people. I think I first read it in the startup ecosystem through a post like this one.
The general idea is that a successful leader should have strong opinions on a topic and actively debate with peers—yet be willing to change their mind quickly if a better argument is made. Followers of this approach often proactively broadcast that their strong beliefs are “weakly held” to help build trust that they are really open to feedback and changing their minds.
The problem is that no strong belief is truly weakly held—and there is a better way to operate that was first taught a couple of thousand years ago. I learned this the hard way.
Modeling My Manager
Early in my career, and just about a year after my first experience managing a small team of five people, I took an assignment leading a group of twenty-five. My new manager had moved up a step to lead an entire business unit, and I took over his former position, now reporting to him.
As the new guy on a much bigger team, I took a ton of direction from my manager and watched him closely as he interacted across the business. He was the first to introduce me to the concept of “Strong beliefs, weakly held.” I watched him practice the moves with relish—whether with me in a weekly 1-on-1 or amid employee Ask Me Anythings at an all-hands meeting.
I always noticed his excitement when someone challenged his opinions. While many leaders would avoid questions or quietly punish any doubters behind the scenes, my manager relished the debate. He would smile, nod, and repeat that all of his beliefs were subject to change. Then he would proceed to dissect and defeat the challenger's argument with great precision. Again, it was all done with smiles and encouragement.
I was very attracted to this approach and made it my own. It appealed to my love of a good debate and seemed so much more evolved than the typical tyrannical leadership model. In my own 1-on-1s and team meetings, I repeated his maneuvers—and never seemed to change my beliefs…
A few years into this role, however, something changed inside me.
I used to look forward to my Monday morning sparring sessions with my manager. But I gradually realized that he wasn’t listening to me as our opinions diverged. Being closer to the business, I saw problems with his historic approach and increasingly disagreed with his strong opinions. And I realized that he treated our 1-on-1s as a chance to cross things off his list and provide marching orders to me.
I increasingly adopted the Sunday Scaries—dreading our half-hour in his office the following day.
Eventually—I don’t exactly remember when or where—I thought about how painful this relationship had become. And I suddenly realized that I might be causing similar pain to the people who report to me. Shit.
It was a really a double wake-up call. First, realizing that I might know more than my manager, including what was happening in the business and how to treat people more kindly. Second, I needed to re-think my approach and give up this belief about strong beliefs.
In the following weeks, I paid much more attention to how people interacted with this leader. I noticed that it was mostly white men who attempted to challenge him. People seemed to come away from these debates feeling like they had been embarrassed in front of their colleagues. I heard people discussing bending him to their will between meetings—things like, “What do you think he wants?” and “He’d never sign off on that”—to avoid confrontation.
I stayed in my role for years, becoming a better leader of people and business by carving my own path. And I found ways to manage my manager in ways to protect my mental health. I think the biggest lesson I have learned in business and life is that beliefs are often B.S.—including my own.
Strong Beliefs are Never Weakly Held
The world constantly changes; nothing is black or white, right or wrong. And again and again, we see that even among our most successful leaders, no one knows what they are doing. That’s because the higher leaders rise, the farther they are from their customers and the employees who serve them. Their views are frequently frozen at a time when they were doing the work themselves or with a strategy that advanced their careers years ago. In fact, the bigger the company is, the more likely senior leaders have gotten there through winning a game of politics—and not necessarily by making smart business decisions on their own.
“Strong beliefs” are also massively biased. Our egos are programmed to build models of the world and protect the heck out of them. The word is strong, and calling something your belief encodes it as part of your identity, making it incredibly hard to give up. Your ego does all kinds of things to protect its self-defining beliefs. Things like looking for confirming evidence, questioning the logic of the counter-arguments, and pretending that these beliefs are “weakly held.”
People are afraid to challenge their managers and leaders for many reasons—ranging from protecting their paychecks to not feeling like a fool in front of their peers. No matter how “open” you say you are, the reality is that they hold back when you seem to have a strong position. People who come from diverse backgrounds are even more fearful—yet they are even more important, as they bring perspective you’re missing.
So less new information, potential innovations, and signals of competitive threats come your way. And often, you come off as an asshole and ruin a lot of people’s Sunday evenings.
Start with No Beliefs
In meditation and Eastern philosophy, you’ll find the phrase “Beginner’s Mind.” It’s about bringing an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions. Even the most experienced Zen Masters start with this attitude as they practice. You can also find the concept in the Western philosopher Socrates, whose life theme was: “He who is wise admits he knows nothing.”
We must continually learn and be open to new information. The strongest belief we should hold onto is that our current beliefs might be wrong. And if you decide to start a meditation practice, it won’t take long to realize that your head is full of harmful, distracting thoughts and pre-existing judgments.
Two things happen when you approach work with your team this more open way.
First, you’ll actually listen and gather new input. Instead of looking to defend your current position, you’ll unconsciously begin with a clean slate. You will ask “Why?” to more deeply understand something and often begin to reconstruct a new, more accurate view of the world as it really is.
And because you are listening and truly interested in others’ opinions, you will approach discussions with others more positively. You’ll be the last person to speak in the room, you will ask the quiet members of the meeting to voice their views, and you’ll say things like, “I’ve got a hypothesis that this is the right approach, but we should test it because I could be wrong.” You won’t have to write yourself a sticky note to remember this—it will come naturally because you are naturally curious.
The more you listen and actively encourage others while tamping down your own ego, the better decisions your team will make and the better they will feel about the work they do.
You’ll also become a better role model for the people you work with, helping them build a positive habit that will, in turn, impact others. I’ve tested this belief a few times and seen it happen. I encourage you to see for yourself.
How we might work together…
My team and I lead Hearty, a boutique recruiting service that helps tech-forward companies hire proven talent. Our senior team of operators sources and screens, saving you time and money. When you need help, let’s chat.
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Feel free to schedule time together during my Open Hours for questions, feedback, networking, or any other topic!
BONUS: Cool Content of the Week
A little something I found meaningful. You might agree…
My Five Life-Changing Books of 2023
Every year I look forward to my friend, Brad Berens, list of the books he read over the course of the year. We all know buying and reading a whole dang book is a big commitment in today’s intense competition for our attention, so we depend on strong, trusted reviews like Brad’s.
After sharing his list on Substack Notes, Brad challenged me to share my own recommendations—so here goes nothing…
This year I concentrated my reading on life improvement, including some “trips” down a meditation rabbit hole that I alluded to above. These books were incredibly meaningful to me—I hope they may be for you…
Awareness by Anthony de Mello - Written by a Jesuit priest born in Bombay, India, in 1931, Awareness brings the best of both worlds into a more spiritual than religious concept. Sample quote: “Life is a banquet. And the tragedy is that most people are starving to death.” (240 highlights on Kindle)
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius - After reading about this book for years, I finally plunged into this Stoic Roman Emperor’s personal journal. I was repeatedly awed that the same mental struggles we suffer from today were experienced by Marcus, and I found great value in his daily reminders to himself. Sample quote: “Thou art a little soul bearing about a corpse.” (146 highlights on Kindle)
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - Instead of continually reliving the past or thinking about the future, what if we lived wholly in the present? This takes practice, but Tolle helps get us there. Sample quote: “Use your senses fully. Be where you are. Look around. Just look, don’t interpret. See the light, shapes, colors, textures.” (354 highlights on Kindle)
Your Symphony of Selves by James Fadiman and Jordan Gruber - An incredible science, history, and philosophy-backed idea that our minds are comprised of “modules” (or selves or voices) that compete to drive our actions. Once you know this is happening, you can better conduct your internal symphony to reduce suffering and increase happiness. Sample quote: “What we are talking about here is freedom. . . . Instead of finding ourselves pushed around by our own processes, we are free to choose among them.” (232 highlights on Kindle)
What’s Our Problem? by Tim Urban - Please put down the News app and read this book before you look at another headline. Urban brings a deep but very readable explanation of why people hold polarized views and how we might escape their traps. You won’t come away with a plan to fix the world, but you’ll be able to ease your own mind through understanding. That’s a start. Sample quote: “As great as civilization may be, 500 generations isn’t enough time for evolution to take a shit. So now we’re all here living in this fancy new habitat, using brain software optimized to our old habitat.” (279 highlights on Kindle)
I hope you enjoy one or more of these books in the year ahead. And if you’d ever like to hop on a Zoom and discuss them, just hit the office hours link above!
Like the observation that politics, not necessarily sound business decisions, can drive success. Also, loved how you evolved!