The first is that Tom let you know retroactively he had oinked out your name to a company that's going to do a background check on him. That's not smart. Nobody should *tell* you you're a reference for them. They should politely *ask*.
Asking would have given Tom the opportunity to touch base with you first, to find out whether you're comfortable providing that reference and to get some insight into what you might say when prompted to answer certain questions. Tom has an idea of what they're going to ask. He should cover that with you first and ask if you're comfortable with it.
The only people you should be a blanket reference for are the people you described earlier in your piece - the people with whom you've had terrific experience and who have asked you to do so.
The second red flag is this: Even if you're on the Lifetime Reference List (which Tom isn't), you need to be proactive and let your reference know to expect a call, and discuss the background behind the request for a reference. Tom tried to do that here, but he didn't give you the opportunity to tell him that since things didn't end well, there are some things you might say that are not all that flattering. That's on him, though. If it were me, I'd call him to discuss. Forget the text/email thread. Just pick up the phone.
Third red flag: What is a background check in this context? What are the investors from Huge Company looking for? What do they hope to achieve with these background checks? Tom should be telling you this, because it's not a run-of-the-mill reference check for a position with a new company. So, what is it?
If it were me, I would have confirmed his employment and done nothing else. It sounds like Huge Company could take something you said and use it as a reason to pull a proposed investment. I wouldn't want that kind of liability on my hands.
I can certainly understand the desire to want to do right by Tom, but he has put you in a not-so-great position and I would tell him that.
Great builds and points, Tom! Thank you! The biggest thing I can learn from your response is that I should have had more backbone and said words to the effect of: "Hey, dude, you're putting me in an awkward spot...I don't want your company to suffer here, but this is not right." I wimped out.
Soo... I don't like seeing people beat themselves up over stuff like this. "I wimped out" is probably too strong. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for asking yourself the right moral questions here. There are a lot of people in your position who wouldn't give it a second thought and they'd either lie and not reflect on it, or just rule-follow and say "HR doesn't want me to do anything except confirm employment."
I just have a hair trigger for people who provide me as a reference and then tell me after the fact. :-)
So there's a couple red flags here...
The first is that Tom let you know retroactively he had oinked out your name to a company that's going to do a background check on him. That's not smart. Nobody should *tell* you you're a reference for them. They should politely *ask*.
Asking would have given Tom the opportunity to touch base with you first, to find out whether you're comfortable providing that reference and to get some insight into what you might say when prompted to answer certain questions. Tom has an idea of what they're going to ask. He should cover that with you first and ask if you're comfortable with it.
The only people you should be a blanket reference for are the people you described earlier in your piece - the people with whom you've had terrific experience and who have asked you to do so.
The second red flag is this: Even if you're on the Lifetime Reference List (which Tom isn't), you need to be proactive and let your reference know to expect a call, and discuss the background behind the request for a reference. Tom tried to do that here, but he didn't give you the opportunity to tell him that since things didn't end well, there are some things you might say that are not all that flattering. That's on him, though. If it were me, I'd call him to discuss. Forget the text/email thread. Just pick up the phone.
Third red flag: What is a background check in this context? What are the investors from Huge Company looking for? What do they hope to achieve with these background checks? Tom should be telling you this, because it's not a run-of-the-mill reference check for a position with a new company. So, what is it?
If it were me, I would have confirmed his employment and done nothing else. It sounds like Huge Company could take something you said and use it as a reason to pull a proposed investment. I wouldn't want that kind of liability on my hands.
I can certainly understand the desire to want to do right by Tom, but he has put you in a not-so-great position and I would tell him that.
Great builds and points, Tom! Thank you! The biggest thing I can learn from your response is that I should have had more backbone and said words to the effect of: "Hey, dude, you're putting me in an awkward spot...I don't want your company to suffer here, but this is not right." I wimped out.
Soo... I don't like seeing people beat themselves up over stuff like this. "I wimped out" is probably too strong. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for asking yourself the right moral questions here. There are a lot of people in your position who wouldn't give it a second thought and they'd either lie and not reflect on it, or just rule-follow and say "HR doesn't want me to do anything except confirm employment."
I just have a hair trigger for people who provide me as a reference and then tell me after the fact. :-)